Well its that time of year again. Its holiday season. This is an especially tough time of year for me for various reasons. I am a 33 - year old single woman with no children. I lost my mother and grandmother back in December of 2006. My step-father has gotten remarried and has taken on a new family. I lost my brother to the system back in 2009. I've also lost a best friend and a uncle both to untimely deaths. All of these people have been very influential people in my life. My step-father and still talk from time to time and I know that he still loves me as his daughter. Sometimes I just find it a little difficult to fit in with his new family. I was raised to see holidays as family time. So what do you do when you don't have close family to spend the holidays with? I remember when I was in college when everything was going really well on the home front. This time of year was always so exciting to me. There's nothing like gathering with family and friends for the holidays. Even though my mother was not well for a very long time she would always manage to prepare something on either Christmas or Thanksgiving. She really valued holidays and family time. For as long as I can remember I was not allowed to miss Thanksgiving or Christmas.
Last Thanksgiving I was very blessed and spent the day with a really close friend and her family. The food was great, the company was awesome but at the end of the day I still longed for my family. Last Christmas was great as well. I was able to spend that time with some very good friends of mine from back home but at the end of the day I still longed for my family. Is this a felling I have to face and deal with every year? Over the past year I've been connected with my biological father's side of the family and i love it. Maybe its time for me to become close to them and establish new traditions. Its just a bit overwhelming for me when I think about the process of getting to know strangers even though they are family.
So needless to say everyday is a constant struggle to be happy and content with where I am emotionally this time of year. I try to remember that it could always be worse but then again sometimes I don't know. Whats worse then not being with loved ones during the holidays?
Last Thanksgiving I was very blessed and spent the day with a really close friend and her family. The food was great, the company was awesome but at the end of the day I still longed for my family. Last Christmas was great as well. I was able to spend that time with some very good friends of mine from back home but at the end of the day I still longed for my family. Is this a felling I have to face and deal with every year? Over the past year I've been connected with my biological father's side of the family and i love it. Maybe its time for me to become close to them and establish new traditions. Its just a bit overwhelming for me when I think about the process of getting to know strangers even though they are family.
So needless to say everyday is a constant struggle to be happy and content with where I am emotionally this time of year. I try to remember that it could always be worse but then again sometimes I don't know. Whats worse then not being with loved ones during the holidays?
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