Holiday season blues

Well its that time of year again.  Its holiday season.  This is an especially tough time of year for me for various reasons.  I am a 33 - year old single woman with no children.  I lost my mother and grandmother back in December of 2006.  My step-father has gotten remarried and has taken on a new family.  I lost my brother to the system back in 2009.  I've also lost a best friend and a uncle both to untimely deaths.    All of these people have been very influential people in my life.  My step-father and still talk from time to time and I know that he still loves me as his daughter.  Sometimes I just find it a little difficult to fit in with his new family.  I was raised to see holidays as family time.  So what do you do when you don't have close family to spend the holidays with?  I remember when I was in college when everything was going really well on the home front.  This time of year was always so exciting to me.  There's nothing like gathering with family and friends for the holidays.  Even though my mother was not well for a very long time she would always manage to prepare something on either Christmas or Thanksgiving.  She really valued holidays and family time.  For as long as I can remember I was not allowed to miss Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Last Thanksgiving I was very blessed and spent the day with a really close friend and her family.  The food was great, the company was awesome but at the end of the day I still longed for my family.  Last Christmas was great as well.  I was able to spend that time with some very good friends of mine from back home but at the end of the day I still longed for my family.  Is this a felling I have to face and deal with every year?  Over the past year I've been connected with my biological father's side of the family and i love it.  Maybe its time for me to become close to them and establish new traditions.  Its just a bit overwhelming for me when I think about the process of getting to know strangers even though they are family.

So needless to say everyday is a constant struggle to be happy and content with where I am emotionally this time of year.  I try to remember that it could always be worse but then again sometimes I don't know.  Whats worse then not being with loved ones during the holidays?  

Operation "Road to a Better Lifestyle" Week One

I must admit I am one funny individual.  Its funny how everytime I start to work on my weight all I can think about is food.  I have cravings for those bad foods that I haven't had in forever.  So with that being said lets start talking about my first week with "Project Healthy Lifestyle."  November first was my official start date.  In order to get a good morning working out in the mornings I have to get out of bed at 6:00 a.m. Being that I put so much time and thought into this process I was anxious to get started and on the morning of November 1, 2011 I woke up at least twice before my alarm goes off.  So when my alarm did sound what did I do?  I turned it off, rolled over and went back to sleep.  That move was the first move to a not so great Day 1 start.  I jumped up and out of bed around 7:05 a.m. and headed for the shower.  It ususally takes me about a good 30 to 35 minutes to get ready for work so needless to say I was officially running late being that I needed to be out of the house at 7:40 a.m. to catch my train for work.  Since I was running late I didn't have time to prepare my bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and I forgot to grab my lunch from the fridge.  So there's two meals I'm going to have to figure out how to replace....not good.  I ended up missing breakfast all together and for lunch I at some pistaceos and a pack of peanutbutter nabs.  For those of you who don't know what nabs are, I had a pack of peanutbutter crackers.  Tuesdays are my busy days so I knew once I got off of work I would not have time to eat dinner before having to head to church for my Celebrate Recovery meeting. By this time I realized that Day 1 was a wash.  Once I got out of my meeting at church I had a craving for fried chicken so bad I was literally salivating at that thought of  having some for dinner.  My 30 minute drive from church to home was focused on only where I would stop to get chicken.  After deciding against driving pass my apartment to the closes chicken joint, I ended up stopping to pick up some hot wings and fries....bad bad bad.  The damage is done so there is no need for me to dwell on all of the wrong choices I made.

The remainder of week 1 was very sketchy.  I worked out some but not like I planned.  I do realize that its only the first week however I feel like this week is to set the tone of the entire process.  What I've come to realize is that its very hard for me to do this process alone.  I do have many supporters and most of them are two states away but I do appreciate their support and their prayers.  What I'm really in need of is self motivation.  I keep saying that I want to live better, eat better, and make better choices all around but it is so hard to do all of this when for almost 33 years I haven't made the best choices.  This is defintely going to be a process and I will embrace every moment of this process because I would love to be able to help someone else one day.

Emotionally I was a wreck. I have to admit on Thursday night I threw myself a huge pitty party.  I started feeling sorry for myself and then I became really angry, however by Friday morning I was all better.  I guess someone was praying for me.  I've found through reading and talking with people that emotional and mental health is just as important as physical health if not more important.

So I'm about to head into Week 2.  I'm predicting a much better week this week.  I'm sticking strictly to my meal plan and I will ensure that my workouts will happen.   I've added an addition activity to my week.  I have decided to make two trips to Marietta this week.  Not only will I be going on Tuesday, I will also be going for Wednesday night service as well.  I've got to do some things different. My spiritual life hasn't been what it once was however I feel like this is a good time to start working on spending more time with God and in fellowship with other like minded individuals.

I just want to thank those of you are are on this journey with me or praying for me.  Remember if you have any tips please feel free to comment on the post.

Have a happy week!


“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” - Chinese Proverb